is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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