I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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