Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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