I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
