Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
