I think im going to throw up on grandma
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
His hands were made for my vagina.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
