This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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