im six kinds of drunk right now
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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