if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
