So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
