where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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