Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
