just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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