she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
