My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
