I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Success! We fucked roommates!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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