Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
