If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I want a musical about memes.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
