would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
