yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
