It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm always down for nudity.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
