He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
