Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
