Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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