Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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