it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
