Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
