Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
