wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
