So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
