he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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