Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
