If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Randomize
