you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
