Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
