I want to walk on stilts...naked
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
