i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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