I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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