You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
