the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
