youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
