Already got asked if we're dating
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
