Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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