absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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