On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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