the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
