just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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