do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
the raccoons are back...
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