I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
