I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I want a musical about memes.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
