I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
