Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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