Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
