We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
